An Introverted Mindset: A Blog Originally Written as a Speech for my Brother’s Wedding

I always wanted to be a writer, but I didn’t have the skill set as a child. So, I used my imagination as an outlet for creativity, visualizing movies in my head or acting them out through play. Not always by myself, by the way. I would often act them out with my brothers, but growing up wasn’t easy for someone who struggled with reading and writing, so my imagination was the only outlet I could count on until my reading and writing improved. It was a long way, and it affected my social skills, so it was difficult for me to make friends. Even though I considered my four siblings friends, I always had a deep desire to form non-familial relationships. Thanks to one of my brothers, for whom I wrote this speech, I became more social and experienced the typical life of a young adult. I think without this experience, I wouldn’t have found the inspiration for my young adult fiction or gained enough courage to present myself online and speak openly about this secret side of my identity. This speech was initially intended as a tribute to that, but I didn’t have the guts to share it in person, so I turned it into a blog instead. I guess I draw the line at public speaking.

 I was the third of five in my family, which puts me right in the middle. I can say from my own experience as a middle child that the cliché about middle child syndrome is true, especially for a “late bloomer” like me, but it was a great childhood, nonetheless. I think one of the main reasons why my childhood was great was my siblings. Somehow, we all manage to get along despite the occasional scruffs here and there. Whereas my oldest brother, Nick, and my sister, Jess, are a few years older than me, my youngest brother, Jacob, is on the opposite end of that spectrum, and Patrick is the brother closest to my age. He is exactly one year and six months younger than I am. So, we had a natural bond growing up. We used to play games together; traditional kids' games, you might think of. We also spent a lot of time using our imaginations. We used to pretend to be different characters and keep playing the same ones episodically. We would make up movies and act them out. Sometimes we’ve re-enacted movies we had seen hundreds of times all the way to the end. That’s how imaginative we were, and I think the dynamic of our natural brotherly bond was an outlet for us to express our creativity.

Despite our close age and similar tastes in movies and music, Pat and I have entirely different personalities. I’ve always considered myself an introvert, whereas Pat is more of an extrovert. He was naturally social, a quality I’ve always envied. As I got older, it seemed Pat had grown out of the imaginative mindset that had compelled us to entertain each other in our childhood. In contrast, my imagination kept me entertained alone and, at times, with my youngest brother, Jake. Because of his younger age, his level of imagination matched mine. This was probably due to the combination of my being an introvert and a “late bloomer.” I still had a lot of imagination to keep me entertained, but on a more mature level. It’s not like I didn’t crave a social life in my youth, however. I wanted friends as much as the next individual. I had a few friends in my teens, but I rarely saw them outside of school due to the distance. Pat’s friends who lived close by, however, would often come over. Whenever I wasn’t alone in my room with my thoughts and imagination, I would join my brother and his friends in their camaraderie. As time went on, I eventually started to feel less inclined to entertain myself by letting movies and series play in my head, because I would instead watch them with people on weekends. And the more movies we watched, the more my taste started to expand and mature, much like my personality. Being among people has helped me grow and become more social and interactive, through the various social dynamics of parties, outings, etc. I got a small taste of the typical young adult lifestyle.

I couldn’t be happier that Pat shared a bit of his social life with me, because I believe it helped pave the way for self-discovery. With exposure to a social life, I’ve started to grow out of my introverted mindset and adapt to new settings, becoming more confident and living outside my head and imagination. Although I still consider myself an introvert, I set out on an exploration that led me to make my own choices, which eventually helped me build a social life. I ended up in college and made many friends there, whom I still see to this day. I studied scriptwriting as an elective, which gave me the skills and momentum to go beyond my limitations and write continuously. Even though my imagination is still as active as ever, I use it through more evolved creative outlets, such as my writing. And thanks to the internet and social media, I can share this secret life remotely online, not just with my close friends and family, but also with the public through this new creative outlet—the combination of sharing my imagination through my writing and building connections with other people. With these developed social skills, I believe it also helped me walk into my current profession as an Educational Assistant. My role includes supporting students in meeting their educational needs, some of whom are introverted and imaginative like me, and part of what makes my job enjoyable is helping those explore their own creative outlets.